The Dive from Clausen's Pier by Ann Packer

I loved and hated this book at the same time. Her writing was excellent, which made me hate the main character. I don't think an author can evoke such emotion from a reader without being extremely talented. I wanted to choke the mom in Bastard out of Carolina. I just wanted to shake Carrie, the main character here. She's a twenty-three year old recent college grad, engaged to her boyfriend of 8 years. She has decided her life is stifling her, she doesn't love Mike anymore, and she is sure there is more to life than this upper mid-west existence she's been suffering through since birth. And then Mike, to her great personal inconvenience, Mike dives from Clausen's Pier, breaks his neck, and becomes a quadriplegic. The rest of the novel is the struggle between her selfish, yet very real, (and if I'm honest, understandable) need to run screaming away from Mike and everyone else's expectations of her to stay and nurse him and, of course, marry him. In her private hell and probably because of it, she ends up hurting everyone who loves her. She doesn't lash out, though; it's more like emotional homicide in slow motion. She's indecisive, yet overly analytical, and can't stick with a decision once she makes one.

Packer was able to create an unlikeable main character, whom I found myself cheering for to do something, anything, and I'd stick by her. But, for crying out loud, DECIDE already. Just when I'd settle in with a decision she'd made, she'd up and change her fickle little mind. Packer made me want to like Carrie and I wanted to feel sympathetic toward her. In the end, I just couldn't. Not because she was struggling with leaving her quadriplegic boyfriend after the accident, but because she was whiney and, did I mention, indecisive. Brilliant writing to make me want to root for someone I didn't really like all that much.

I also think there's some meaning to the name Carrie. She's carrying the baggage of the relationship with Mike. She's carrying the memory of her dad. She's carrying the weight of the decision-ish she made regarding her relationship with Mike. We all carry stuff, at some point or another, but this girl doesn't seem to let ANYTHING go.

Stars: 4 out of 5
Rating: NC-17: liberal fornication (with some description), passing reference to gay relationships, a few uses of the F-word, great deal of alcohol consumption