So it's been over a year...

since I posted last. Let me explain (OK, make excuses) as to why. Rewind to June 2008... about 3 weeks before She Speaks, I miscarried. At She Speaks, I had a powerful prayer time literally at the foot of a huge cross. I left She Speaks uplifted and inspired and refreshed. Fast Forward two months later... I'm pregnant and tired beyond belief. I only managed to handle the essentials: home and work and church, that's it. Barely anything extra. OK, my book club, but I almost count that as essential. The first three months of pregnancy were plagued with severe all-day sickness and extreme exhaustion, along with a fear that this pregnancy, too, would end badly. Fast Forward 6 months later... #3 made his debut and completed our family trilogy (he's our third boy). I have thought about this blog a great deal over the last year and a half, between middle-of-the-night feedings, organizing my new 5-person family, changing diapers, working full-time, shuttling #1 to and from school (and soccer and football and playdates), keeping up with the issues that arose with #2 when #3 came along, keeping up a household, etc., etc., etc., I just haven't made it back. So, without further ado, I am going to try and blog once a week. Try is the operative word and don't tell me what Yoda would say about "try". I hope to blog about what God is saying to me, teaching me, leading me to do. I hope you'll be along for the ride.

She Speaks

I'm sure there will be more to come as I continue to process and digest all that happened this weekend. Here are the answers to questions for my church's newsletter.

1. Was there a theme or specific topic for the conference (in addition to teaching the fundamentals of public speaking)?
No, but the personal theme I walked away with was "move me aside". Those three little words profoundly affected me and they are my prayer for this season. And I also find it ironic that I went to learn how to be a better public speaker and I walked away speechless. It's another example of how the glory of God is so overwhelming that it is impossible to open my mouth, much less argue with or question God. It's more like nodding dumbly and running off to do whatever he's asked me to do, asking him to equip me for it the whole time. It is truly all about him and I'm just clay. Yet, I'm chosen. It's humbling and glorious all at the same time. And hard to describe, obviously.

2. What was one of the most poignant and/or profound things you experienced with God during the conference?
I didn't realize it before I left, but I was still grieving deeply from our miscarriage. I would have told you before the conference that I was fine and that God healed me emotionally. However, God totally met me where I was. There was an event following a talk about doubt where we were asked to pray and ask God to reveal our innermost doubts to us. We were to write them down and then place them in a basket at the foot of the cross in the front of the room. I did that, but for some reason, as I knelt to pray, all I could think about was the miscarriage and how much I was still hurting about that. A woman on staff came up to pray with me and I told her that I had recently miscarried. She just put her arms around me and I sobbed from the depths of my soul. She then prayed and while I don't remember her specific words, she prayed for a long time and asked for healing and for God to touch my heart and to bring me restoration. She also asked God to surprise me with his hope. It was very powerful. There is a little more to the story, but this is getting long. The crux of the matter is that God met me there and that God moved through her prayers to bring me to a more whole place.

3. How will the tools you were equipped with help you in your walk with Christ? Your work at the church?
I was reminded again of the need for and the power of prayer. I was also reminded of the personal nature of God - how he is able to reach us as individuals and speak to us individually; even though we all heard the same person speaking, we all walked away with a different message from God. In terms of my work at the church, I feel humbled that God chose me to go to this conference and that he may have a ministry opportunity in store for me. I am a jar of clay and yet he chose me. That sends me to my knees and on my face in thanks and I am so excited to have him "move me aside and move in this place". Those are lyrics from a song that deeply touched me - they aren't my original words, but they are my heartfelt prayer.

4. What are three or four things you walked away from the conference with that you didn't know before?
How VITAL it is to cover every preparation and every speaking engagement with prayer, how to weave a story into a message, how to better research and prepare for a message, and how vital it is to have prayer warriors behind your preparation time and the actual speaking engagement, including what specific message to bring, as well as being sensitive to the Holy Spirit during the talk. And practice, practice, practice.